Robin's Analysis
by Kaycee Columbell
Summary: Robin tells the team what 'Call Me Maybe' is really about. Now a series of one-shots with other songs!
1. Call Me Maybe

**Chapter update! Please read my note on the bottom when done! Thanks! Disclaimer: Do not own. Yet.  
**

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It was a normal day at the mountain. There were no missions, nothing much to do at all in fact. The whole Team was in the living room, chatting about nothing, doing nothing, while the radio played in the background. Suddenly, _that _song came on. And of course, a certain speedster just _couldn't_ help himself.

"Hey, I just met you! And this is crazy! But here's my number! Call me maybe~~" Wally sung out in an annoying sing-song voice. "And all the other boys- OW! What was that for?"

"It was to make you shut up, Baywatch." Artemis deadpanned.

"It's a good song!"

"Actually, it's pretty messed up." Their argument was cut short by a ninja who just happened to be sitting between them.

"I'm probably going to regret this, but... How's it messed up?" Inquired the archer.

Robin sighed, setting aside the book he'd been trying to finish for school. "Just think about the lyrics for a second. 'I threw a wish in a well' yet she also says 'trade my soul for a wish'. Therefore implying she threw herself in a well." By now, everybody in the room was listening to the Boy Wonder.

"Then she 'looked to him as I fell' and 'he's in my way'. Ergo, he's in the well too. His ripped jeans just prove that."

"What?! That makes no sense!" Interrupted Wally.

"It actually makes perfect sense." Conner surprised everyone by stating.

"Anyway..." Robin continued, "By now it's plainly obvious that this girl's crazy, so when she asks 'Where you think you're goin', baby?' it's describing how he's trying to get out of the well, but she won't let him."

"Can you please go back for a second?" Asked Megan, "Why did she throw herself in a well?"

"Ah, guess I forgot that part... She 'begs and borrows and steals', and then says 'All the other boys try to chase me'. "

"So?" Wally exclaimed, dumbfounded.

"Sooo... those boys were obviously a angry mob who ran her out of town because she's crazy and did all that bad stuff. That's why she jumped in the well. To get away from them. Duh." Robin scoffed at him before starting back on his analysis. "Moving on. They finally get out, and she's trying to get him to call her, hence the chorus of the song. But he never will because, as it shows in the music video, he realizes he's gay."

"How?" A completely confused Superboy asked.

"Because he was trapped in a well with a crazy chick. That makes it pretty easy to realize something like that," Robin concluded.

"Let me see if I understand," Kaldur said, rubbing his temples, "A woman is chased out of her town and jumps into a well to get away from the mob. At the bottom of said well there just so happens to be a man who she becomes obsessed with. They are both able to get out, and the woman wants the man to call her. But he will not do so because his experience with her has caused him to realize he in not attracted to women?"

"You got it, Kal," Robin says, picking up his book again. The whole team is silent, thinking about what he had just explained to them. After a minute, it was Wally who broke the silence.

"Hey, Rob?"

"Hmm?"

"You spend waaay too much time with Batman."

_Sigh_ "Yeah..."

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**Hello everyone!**

** First off, I made a couple small changes to this chapter after several reviews that pointed out a mistake I had made. I wrote this really late at night, so I didn't realize I had done that until some people pointed it out. I'm sure those people know what I'm talking about. I'm really am sorry about that. **

**Second, thanks for reading! It makes me happy! So do reviews... *hint hint***


	2. Ballad of a Thin Man

**I take no credit for the show, or 'Ballad of a Thin Man' by Bob Dylan.**

It wasn't there. It was one of the few Saturday mornings that Bruce had to himself and his newspaper wasn't anywhere to be found. As he walked back into the manor, he nearly ran into Dick as he came out of the kitchen carrying a box full of cooking utensils. 'I don't even want to know...' Bruce thought. Noticing a piece of paper on the counter, he curiously picked it up.

"Dick!" He called after the retreating form of his ward. "Is this an assignment of yours?"

"Yeah, for English," the mathlete yelled back, "We had to write a paper about the true meaning of this random song..." His voice faded away as he got farther from Bruce. 'Well, I have no newspaper to read, so might as well...' was all Bruce thought as he sat down to read it.

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Dick Grayson  
English 3 Honors  
Period 2

In Ballad of a Thin Man, by Bob Dylan, the Mister Jones that is consistently mentioned is, in actuality, Superman. It is stated that "You

walk into the room with you pencil in your hand". News reporters, such as Clark Kent, are commonly associated with carrying a pencil

around with them at all times. While on duty as a news reporter, there are many times Kent must become Superman in secret. When

the narrator of the poem says that "…you don't understand just what you'll say when you get home", it refers to the many excuses

Kent will be forced to make up in order to keep his identity secret. The narrator then goes on to have Mister Jones ask, "Oh my God

am I here all alone?" In this, it gives a sad reminder that Superman is, in his mind, the last of the Kryptonians. The poem becomes

more specific to events as it mentions, "You hand in your ticket and you go watch the geek". This refers to the time in which Clark

Kent and Lois Lane go to a circus to report on some of the acts. Later, the narrator states a more direct fact of Kent's as they state,

"You have many contacts among the lumberjacks". It is a known fact that Paul Meredith, a corrupt businessman who Superman later

arrests, is the owner of the lumber mill that supplies the Daily Planet newspaper with its material. While many of the narrator's words

hint at Clark Kent, this shows a relation to both the reporter and Superman. From then on, the writer starts to mention the superhero

side of Mister Jones more. Such as when they mention a "…midget shouting the word 'NOW'" it can be associated with Mister

Mxyzptlk. Mister Mxyzptlk is an enemy of Superman's who is very impish and enjoys trying to confuse and taunt the hero. When he

screams, "You're a cow give me some milk or else go home", he is merely trying to baffle Mister Jones while also jeering at him over

the loss of his true home, Krypton. It is also stated that he has "Discussed lepers and crooks", which implies that Mister Jones is in

the justice system. And who is higher up in the justice system then the Man of Steel himself? Finally, the stanza that is repeated

multiple times in the poem "Because something is happening here but you don't know what it is. Do you, Mister Jones?" can only

relate back to one man: Lex Luthor. Luthor is the main adversary of Superman, believing that he (Luthor) is, and rightfully should be,

the most powerful man in existence. The taunting and condescending nature of the stanza match the villain's personality perfectly,

seeing as he always believes he is one step ahead of everyone else (especially Superman). All of these allusions, among others, help

to point to the true identity of Mister Jones: a superhero. It can now be said that Superman has two secret identities: The well-known

reporter, Clark Kent, and the lesser-known Mister Jones.

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Bruce just stared at the paper for a few seconds, wondering about what he had just read. Which was when Dick happened to stroll back through the doorway, box of utensils mysteriously gone.

"Dick."

"Yeah?"

"Do secret identities mean anything to you?"

"Obviously."

"Then you know you can't turn this in."

"Well technically I _could-"_

"_Richard_."

"Fine. I'll write a different one."

**Second chapter! Woot! If you don't know this song, I highly recommend it!**


	3. Girl on Fire

**Sorry it took awhile. I've been doing a ton of other Fanfics. Hopefully this one turned out okay! Disclaimer: I don't own the song or characters.  
**

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After a lot of arguing, persuasion, and begging, the Team had finally gotten their mentors to all agree to let them have a week off. It had been a long month, with baddies attacking left and right. Now the teens were finally relaxing in the mountain's living room, content to just enjoy their first day off in what seemed like forever.

None of them could agree on a movie to watch, so they finally decided to just play Risk. The radio was playing in the background as usual, and everything seemed perfectly is, until Robin suddenly stopped paying attention to the game, and instead focused on the song that had just come on.

_She's just a girl and she's on fire_

"What the heck in this?" he asked.

"Uhh... It sounds like 'Girl on Fire', by Alicia Keys," Artemis answered after a second.

_She's living in a world and it's on fire_

Robin looked positively appalled, staring at the radio as though it had suddenly turned evil.

"What's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Wally finally asked.

"Aren't any of you hearing this?!" was the answer he got. "If she's on fire, somebody should be putting her out! Not singing about it!"

"I am fairly certain it is metaphorical, my friend," Kaldur tried to calm him.

_Looks like a girl, but she's a flame_

"Yeah, suuuure," the Boy Wonder drawled out.

_Better look the other way_

"Now they're ignoring her!" He continued. "They just don't want to get blamed for murder. Idiots."

"Dude, calm down. It's just a song," Wally tried saying.

"I wouldn't much like to be on fire," Megan said quietly, looking down.

"I wouldn't let that happen," Connor nearly growled.

"But if you _were_ on fire," Robin said. "You'd trust someone to help put you out, right?"

"I suppose..."

"Then why isn't anyone helping the girl in the song!" He ranted.

_Everybody stands, as she goes by_

"See, they're all alarmed, yet none of them are actually helping her!"

"Please, just shut up!" Artemis said, rubbing her temples.

_Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl_

"Well, if I were on fire and nobody was helping me, I'd be lonely too!" Robin continued, ignoring the annoyed looks he was getting.

_But she gon' let it burn, baby, burn, baby_

"She gave up! It's those idiot people's fault, really. They're probably the ones who set her on fire to begin with. She-"

"DUDE! Shut up! You ruin _every single song!_" Wally snapped.

"I'm just saying-"

"Well, don't," Artemis cut him off.

"If I may suggest turning the radio off and returning to our game," Kaldur said, hitting the off button.

"Sounds good to me," Connor stated, not seeming to have a care in the world for what just happened. The rest of the team agreed, turning back to their game.

"I still think it was a sad song," Megan muttered a few minutes later.

"Don't worry, Meg. I'm totally with you on that one," Robin agreed.

"At least 'Call Me Maybe' didn't come on..." Artemis muttered.

"Oh, that one isn't even the worst of them," Robin said, grinning. "Did I ever tell you guys about '50 Ways to Say Goodbye'?"

"SHUT UP!"

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**Hello everybody!**

**First off, thanks for reading! I hope everyone liked it! Let me know.**

**Second, I have a new multi-chapter YJ Fanfic called 'Head in the Clouds' if anybody is interested. I'm pretty proud of it, so please check it out if you have the time! Thanks!**


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